22.39pm (sitting up in bed, on my own, Naoise asleep in attic)
When eventually I got to where I was gong today with Naoise I had some fun. Once I had got over the stress of getting hideously lost in parts of Yorkshire that I never knew existed nor needed to know existed when my sat nav failed three times. Three hours of being lost. Driving around in circles. Blind. Old school map reading and writing down instructions on a piece of paper is so much better. I will not rely on sat nav again. I have a good sense of direction. I don’t normally get lost.
P was working so we were out. I feel very singular. Perhaps I am singular. I am glad that at least I have Naoise hand to hold. Naoise to keep me company. Little things can be hard when you are out with a child on your own. I had to leave him on a bench so I could run back to get his coat from the car. I couldn’t see him, I just had to trust that all would be ok. I don’t think child kidnapping is common. I also had to leave him sleeping in the car unattended so that I could get the things that I needed from the studio for tomorrows Family Mandala workshop.
We saw giant pumkins growing, stole raspberries, smelled flowers, admired hand painted chinese wall paper, pictures of posh people, a harpsichord that could no longer make a sound, we tried not to be too naughty in the rambling house. I was lonely of adult company and spoke to every single volunteer on the way around. We played on the zip wire and the tire swings. We sat in the wooden hut on the climbing frame. We collected acorns and looked at empty conker shells. We shared a hot chocolate between us.
The sun was glorious when it broke the mist and fog.
Wish I had had the energy to go out tonight and get some adult company. Never mind. No energy for this today. Can’t write the truth. This is surface. This is dull. This is not anything. Its just filling space with words. The words are my company. I talk to myself these days. I don’t mind this self talk.