Cloudless Sky


Another day of blue and cloudless sky, unusual weather for Yorkshire. So good is the weather that I have very almost reached the bottom of the laundry pile. I have even washed a heavy cotton bed spread that I attempted to dry outside in the yard by hanging it onto a folded metal laundry rack. The rack collapsed and the metal snapped under its weight.

Im sipping hippy tea, green with some lemon, its ok, I’ve run out of all other caffeine alternatives no bags and no ground coffee. It will do.
I have been awake since 4am. Dawn was just breaking and the start of my period awoke me. I thought it was on its way. How could I forget, but I seem to each month I erase this happening from my mind. My belly was swollen, I had hoped that it was water retention as opposed to substantial weight gain. My whole face was swollen with it too. I was becoming moon.

It was not just my period that awoke me. It was a vivid dream. A dream about Syd. In my dream, he shaved all of his hair off using the number one setting on Patricks electric razor. His hair was a mess of long clumps and short tufty areas and bald patches. So real this dream felt that I went into Syd’s bedroom and stroked the top of his head to check that his locks were all safely in place. All was in order.

Sip the dreadful tea that tastes of detergent.


Naoise went to school on my shoulders today and I stupidly carried the scooter too. He was tired. He did try to scooter a little in the playground but quickly gave up. He arrived quite happily in the class room and embraced his friend with a big boy hug. Naoise loves it when he has a friend coming over for tea, the day must go quick with the knowledge of it.

Syd will be at the gym tonight…so I will just have the two little ones to concentrate on. I plan to take them to swing on the side of the hill just above the canal, its a lovely spot and you can catch the sun there too.


The courgette plants have been toughing up outside in the yard, they are growing like monsters, they need to be transplanted into the allotment, they are hungry for earth.

I still feel crap and haven’t any energy for running, and hardly any for walking. Each step is an effort, my legs are heavy as lead. I will make a slow walk to the supermarket to get provisions, that and a very slow evening walk is all that I managed yesterday. I hate to be lacking in energy its very frustrating. Least my head seems to be working much better today and I am able to put one sentence in front of another. Manage some cohesion. Just as well as I have job applications to complete…and I cannot avoid the task any longer.


I am dreaming of pushing my empty pram up sun lit hills, maybe tomorrow I can find a little window of opportunity.

I went to replace the toilet roll in the bathroom and as I was doing so two unused nappies fell out. Its funny that I hang on to these last two. Naoise and his friend used to like to use the last of the nappies to pretend that they were babies, I don’t think that they would fit into them now. I wonder if I should do a Damien Hirst and preserve them….the nappies that is, like his shark in formaldehyde. How dangerous could two nappies be ? How dangerous could two oversized boys dressed in nappies be ?? !!

Beep beep beep beep…..beep beep beep beep the oven buzzer sounds fifteen minutes gone.



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