What did happen on Friday ?
Greyish and much colder than it has been, some rain. Strange to see rain as it has been
I have to think very carefully. What did happen on Friday ? I woke up somehow got Naoise to school which is always a challenge. Ah yes we took coral and shells and fossils in for show and tell to lure him in. I cycled the canal path to Hebden I was the central part in the my own film. I saw geese sitting on nests close to the canal bank and protective geese guarding the brood. I saw couples hugging, kissing and holding hands. I saw dog walkers and kayakers. I got frustrated by walkers listening to headphones unaware of my presence even when I dinged my bell repetitively. I went passed the forest school grounds and remembered the daffodils that me and Naoise planted two years ago. I cycled passed the Callis Canal Boat Community and I glanced in at there activities, vegetable growing, chicken rearing, boat maintenance, willow fences, watching the world go by.
Met my friend to talk about a collaborative project. Sip coffee, write notes, try and settle on a thing together. Listen to her and her ideas, write notes and help her out too. I like to help artists clarify and refine ideas. Artists are great lateral thinkers, their minds fly around in very which direction, I am good at finding central themes, holding disparate thoughts together locating a focus. Wish I could do this for myself. Much easier to help others, harder to help yourself.
I worked in the studio on some mono prints. There never seems enough time. I always feel as if I am rushing. Rushing to get marks down. Trying to keep my cool. Clock checking. A lot of time is wasted traveling too and from the studio, it would be much better t have a base closer to home. My life is a triangle of travel and activity between home, studio and allotment.
I made monoprints in blood red. Monoprints of my vulva and sagging boobs. How quickly the body deteriorates. How short life is. My boobs are shrinking and loosening and heading southwards. I love drawing my nipples, beautiful full stops between the mountains and valleys breasts. Its good to look, I don’t remember when I last looked this closely at the curve that my back makes, or the rolls of flesh and muscle falling around my stomach. My legs are strong all the running and walking and cycling are working to firm them up, but I feel big and bloated still. This is not the body that I wish I was housed in. I remember the body I had. The body that I had after Syd was born. It was ok. I was slim and trim. I have lost so much. So much time so much strength. I think its ok to say hello to my body again. Its ok to invest some time in trying to love it once more. My body has felt a stranger.
The mono prints are rough first tentative ideas. The news print is best to work on as the surface of the paper is shiny and the oil sticks and the line is sensitive, sharp, clear, even finger prints can be captured with ease.
Artists to look at and think about when making this work; Louise Bourgeois, Sue Williams, Marie Suzuki, Annette Messenger, Tracey Emin, Dorothy Iannone.
I cycle back. I collect Syd and his friend from school in the car.
I collect Naoise from school and his friends to play. We go home straight away so we can see Syd before he is out to play his cricket match. The children shoot foam bullets around the house and pretend to have battles with lego star wars models.
Patrick is home late. The day is long. I was going to go for an evening walk when he returned but the inclination has passed.