My baby is six today

6.45 am (been awake since 5.45am)

Where does time go? You slipped into our lives six years ago, I say slip because your birth was slow and long and calm, perhaps too calm. It was also scary. and frightening, and shocking and amazing and wonderful. Your entrance gentle, quiet. Every new baby is but an angel to their waiting parents. You were blonde with downy hair and big ice blue eyes all crunched up awaiting to unfurl. A fresh spring leaf.

Our love for you is boundless. To infinity and beyond and back again. I love you more than words can say. All of that tacky “sentimental” stuff does have meaning. My second son take all these words and phrases wrap yourself up in them, take comfort from the passions of parents.

After you were born I spent a week camped out in my bedroom, feeding, feeding, feeding, changing, changing, changing, watching, watching, watching, day became night and night became day, one endless party to newness and helplessness. I also developed a teenage crush on Nick Cave, I hugged the copy of NME close to me. Me and Nick would make it through each night, he would provide the sound track to my babies first year. I would play this track Breathless again and again, dance around my little front room, feel ecstatic about you, jiggle out trapped wind, wrap my arms around and around our love.

For it is love, it must be that provides the endurance to continue to care when you have no energy left at all. When all you want to do is sleep and rest. When your head feels totally numb and just getting up, getting dressed, washing yourself is almost impossible. Who would have thought that such a tiny human being could cause such havoc. It is easy, so easy to forget the intensity of this time. In the forgetting probably comes romantic notions about what it really was like, idealisation.

I made a big chocolate cake disaster. I baked the cake as you lost yourself in Mine Craft and your brother strummed his guitar. The cake cooked fine, but when I got it out of the tin it broke into four pieces Patrick was distracting me with a rant about the Green Party leader, I should have been more careful. I got annoyed with him. I shouldn’t have snapped. The cake broke real bad.  A large cross formed from the broken quarters. Baking failure. Big no, wrong, incorrect. The children poked and ripped at it as if wild dogs to a kill. I will have to make it again. Ahhhhhhh

I’ve been up since early wrapping presents for little Naoise, he has to go to school today, but I am sending him with a packet of chocolate buttons for each child in his class. Chocolate is important. Chocolate bonds friendships and love and family. How Naoise loves chocolate.

Mum and dad are coming over tonight and my next door neighbour. We will watch him blow out candles, sing praises to his birth and assist him in constructing lego models.

My neighbour’s son was also born on this day, he is a man, all grown up. How special it is that we share our sons birthdays. When Naoise was born she bought around bowls of fresh fruit for me to eat, she made sure that I was ok, and she adored our new baby.




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