Sitting in the entrance of the sure start centre

9.35am.

Sitting in the entrance of the sure start centre, waiting for the Friendship Group to begin.

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To get Naoise to eat his breakfast this morning, I needed to sit him on my knee and feed him like a baby. I posted shredded wheat pillows into his mouth. Mother Bird. I will literally do anything to get him to eat before school. I manage to slip about five pieces of cereal  into him. He refused the rest. He asks for pancakes. I toast one. He refuses the first as its covered in butter. I eat it. I have ben developing bad habits around food again. I have been a bin to sweet stuff and eating over sized portions and drinking too much alcohol.

He eats the second pancake. Puts on his car without asking but teases me with to brush or not brush his teeth.

I am bored of writing this.

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Sat on the sofa watching the mercury awards with Syd. The youngest musician nominated was 19, she began writing her first album at 14. The music business is full of youth, I cannot remember the last time that I managed to spend some tine with Syd. Its good to think I have.

The leaves are suited with frost and there is ice in the puddles.


Cold. Helped older friend to hoover his bedroom, and fetch his shopping Concerned about older friend especially now that the cold weather has dug in.

Thinking that this writing is like a shopping list. Thinking of Ceal Foyer Monochrome Till Receipt White, 1999.

Eating sweets. BAD. Change. I can. I want. I do. Except.

Confidence and resilience

Thinking I should just get a care job. Any job will do. What am I waiting for. The perfect job does not exist.

I need to make money.

Or sell what I can. Maybe that is enough for now. What can I sell next? Cot sold. Cot that hardly got used. Naoise spent most of his baby years in bed with me. Still does. Co-sleeping easier for nighttime breastfeeds.

Need to advertise open studios. Send out invites.


Research

‘Conscious cruelty’: Ken Loach’s shock at benefit sanctions and food banks, Diane Taylor, The Guardian, 23rd November 2015

Middle class people dominate arts, survey finds, Hannah Ellis-Petersen, The Guardian, 23rd November 2015

 

 

 

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