We all need a mum

10.55am ( at the studio)

We all need a mum. We all need love. We all need patience. We all need someone to listen. We all need someone to care. We all need love that is unconditional. We all need connection. We are all connected. We all need a sympathetic ear. We all need to know we are wanted. We all need a woman’s love.

BUT WE CAN ALL BE NURTURING WE CAN ALL MOTHER.

We all need a rest. When I woke this morning, I listened to Naoise breathing deeply and steadily in his sleep. The comforting sound of our slow breathing together. He gives me such comfort. He gives me such joy. He looks so serene. He is so warm. He radiates warmth.

We all need a mum. We all need someone to listen and to talk to.

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We all need children to work together with us. We need partners to work in partnership with us. We need friends to support us. We are not families living in isolation. We are families that make up communities,  society. We all need to hold hands. We all need to work together.

P’s star chart that he has organised from his bed is working. Naoise is playing the game; eating his breakfast, brushing his teeth, putting on his shoes and coat. He even scootered slowly this morning, he listened to my requests of slow. I could’nt run beside him, I had too many heavy bags to carry. We were late, but we got to school calm and happy. What a difference it makes to have a patient, P at home helping to organise the children.

I don’t want to go shopping for things to wear to the interview, I hate clothes shopping. Its so so boring and expensive. I hate to part with money, I don’t really  have. I tried to find a brown top and brown cardigan in the charity shops but I couldn’t. I will have to drive to Burnley.

I can’t find my driving licence and degree certificates, they want all these things. Its stressing me out. I can’t find the items in the studio, they must be at home. Oh god this is dull, sorry reader, but life is dull sometimes, its not at all fun. Breath, breath because I am sapping my energy stressing about pieces of paper, rather than reading up on Breast Feeding and Safe Guarding and Peer Support Groups.

Need to remain focussed, calm.

Proliferation of images. Information overload. Leaves. Each leaf an image. Each leaf capturing energy from the sun. Lungs. Tree Lungs. Our lungs. Breath, don’t panic.

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Images that are pixels, each pixel a cell, making up the body of the image. Pixel space.

Not wet today. damp and warm.

Syd wants me to collect him after school. I quite like it when he asks me to collect him. We don’t hold hands anymore, I wait for him in the pub carpark across from the school, and we snatch conversations with each other as I drive him home. Mum taxi service.

Research

Mom for rent: $40 buys you an hour of motherly care and judgment-free advice,  Adam Gabbatt, Monday 9th November 2015, The Guardian