Some days found others lost

18.11pm

Its the non-time. The sludge time of summer. There is no structure. There are no fences or gates or pedestrian crossing or morning rush. There is just this, each day rolling into the next, some memorable others just got through.

The robins are still visiting, the fledglings fluffy feathers are giving way to red breasts. They love oak cakes. They all come to visit if you chirp.

Nagoo. Nagoo. Naoise has invented this word Nagoo that has multiple definitions. Where are you? I love you? I need a cuddle? I am tired. The list is endless.

We went for a walk on the tops with Naosie. We visited the incredible edible farm bought delicious jam ate their tomatoes and coo cooed at a baby chicken. Naoise would like a baby chicken.

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I am still convinced that a piece of plastic is stuck in my throat. I feel it when I am sitting or lying down. Endless swallowing. If I keep walking, keep occupied I am alright. I’m not sleeping very well though, I wake in the early morning. I look up advice on the internet watch foreign objects being removed from oesophagus walls using an endoscope. I am convinced the plastic has lodged itself, no amount of burping or swallowing or drinking water or eating will budge it. It sticks. It is stuck. I hope to be released from this prison of anxiety after seeing the ENT specialist on Monday morning.

I went to the little Rawtenstall museum in Whitaker Park yesterday. Naoise liked the footprint of the dinosaur preserved in the fossil, the neolithic arrow heads, the rocks and crystals he was not impressed by the stuffed animals, he worried how they had all died.

It rained and rained, it was dark and depressing all day. There was a landslide and in Manchester a sink hole opened up on a major road. Today at least is better there is blue and sun and some warmth.

Swallow. Swallow. Burp. Burp.

I hear Naoise being cheeky downstairs, his dad is cooking dinner and juggling the childcare. I am starting to feel the wear and tare of endless childcare. Its great to have all this time to dedicate to Naoise whilst Syd is away but my brain feels like collapsing in on itself. The days will pass quickly though, I shouldn’t moan, I shouldn’t moan.

Time to get changed I am going out for another evening walk with some friends, its too nice to be stuck in. I will drive so I won’t be drinking much at all. Thats ok, I need a clear head and drinking piles of the pounds. Naoise is asking about watching football matches whilst he eats dinner. Oh yawn.

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