Caro

19.19pm

Went to meet my friends at the Yorkshire Scupture Park. We walked down and up the hill to the Longside gallery to admire the Antony Caro sculpture. My friend and me admired how the work had been made, discrete joins, clever seamless edges, beautiful combinations of steel and acrylic. I spoke of my love for his work from the 60’s and my friend spoke of how he returned to this body of work in his last years.

Ohhhh Yeahhh La La La La…Syd is practising his guitar. Naoise is in the shower.

Is this project crumbling apart or is it only now becoming interesting. Now that I have the kids full time. Now school is out for summer. How do I find time to feed this baby? Here are some words, munch them up. Don’t make a mess and s….p….i….l

l

them

on         the

ground

wipe them up. …………….start again.

I have spent the day trying to improve the children’s behavouir, only the threat of no TV and no internet seems to work.

Syd loves the robin fledglings and has filled a plastic tray full of oat cake crumbs and placed it on the doorstep along with a plastic container full of water. I caught him with a camera trying to capture the birds in action. He says he wants to pick them up. I have talked to him about why this would be a bad idea. They are wild birds. Syd says he wants to domesticate them. They do seem very friendly and tame. I wonder how long it will last. The birds breasts are getting more and more red by the day.

We sat in the James Turrell Deer Shelter at YSP……..so beautiful, so calm…Syd wanted to look in at the sky light….thankfully he gave up after I told him not to scale the wall. Teenagers really don’t think, they just act, they don’t assess risk, they just want to do stupid crazy dangerous things. What to do?

Thump….shower gel landing in the bath.

The other one is out. I am in rocking it up at home. I need a break, I really do, I am so envious of those who get grandparent help. How I wish I had grandparents who helped with childcare. Just a day, I just wish for a day of peace. A day in the studio just drawing or writing or painting or dreaming or thinking or dreaming up a plan……

The leaves are starting to look tired on the trees….the heather is beautiful….but it all seems that summer is reaching a rapid stop…..is this summer, do I look beyond too soon…probably. My stomach aches from period pains or maybe overconsumption of gooseberry cake.

Another pack a picnic day tomorrow. Shouldn’t complain, I don’t have to juggle childcare and care and housework and guilt no yet…….things will change this might be my last great summer with the kids, and as much as I struggle I try and relish the opportunity to relax with them, to have adventures even if they do drive me TOTALLY CRAZY with all their energy and their conflicts and unwillingness to help and tow the line. This mother is ready to burst with rage to want to do something other than care and create happy days for others.

FIFTEEN minutes gone. Must get Naoise out the shower before he turns into a wrinkled plum. Routine. Routine. Will my day ever end ? (don’t moan, don’t moan) I have to, I have to moan a little.

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