Too ill to write much

Written on Sunday June as I had meant to write this last night but instead fell fast asleep. Not a good day, too ill to write much. Too sad and upset. All I had wanted to record was the anxiety that Syd felt before departing to his dads on Saturday morning and the steam engine that happened to break down at the end of our road. It was Syd who first noticed the steam between the drizzle of rain. Syd did not want me to stand outside and watch it. He did not like that my attention was split between the spectacle of steam and him. He got annoyed with me. The steam engine was on its way to the Todmorden Agricultural Show. The wheel of the vehicle almost fell off. Some emergency welding repairs were made. Syd went to his dads, I haven’t heard from him, no text messages as promised. I tried not to let it make me feel too sad. I made the team of drivers some tea and bought it out to them on a tray.

Before I went to sleep I read the anti-austerity articles in the newspaper. I wished that I had been there. I am sick of illness and lack of finances and lack of confidence from preventing me from what I want to do. I am sick of my own excuses. I am sick of feeling lame.

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