The hottest day of the year

22.41pm

Late. Writing Late. A good time to write. First thing or last thing. Dark now. Curtains drawn. Drinking damson wine. Fox gloves, ragwort, buttercup, geranium plucked from the allotment standing tall in my 1920’s vase.

The barbecue at the council site by the river was lovely. Its been so long since I have seen my friends. The studio rent crisis has preoccupied my mind. I have been searching for a solution but I cannot find a better cheaper space. I am a fighter. I always come back fighting. Things change and thats ok. Its coping with change thats hard.

I will learn to generate more income from my practice in order to fund the room that is my space. I will sort and tidy the space, I will sell work, offer personal tutorials, and workshops and courses, I am sure that I can make ends meet. I’ve always enjoyed a challenge. Bring it on. Beckon it in. Wrap your arms around a problem. If you can give birth if you can care for a young baby, you are strong you can do anything, you can be superwoman with super human powers.

My mum had a dream that I had a spare room in the house and I was growing vegetables in it.

foxgloves30:06:15

I went to the allotment to water the plants. Its not often in the pennines that you actually have to bother with this activity.

The plants were thirsty, especially the squashes. I filled the candy pink watering can again, and again. The soil soaked up the water as if a sponge.

The birds were calling. The sun dappled. The potatoes high. Fox gloves opening.

Naoise fell asleep to The Sleep Book by Doctor Seus. Syd grows more and more independent. He likes to be with friends more than family. Thats ok, but I still find the rejection hard. He did not want to come to the barbecue. I felt lonely without him. I love all of my family together, both boys accompanying me. Thats ok though, I will try to adjust. Adjust to change.

Naoise found a beautiful ebony beetle. His friend held it wriggling loose in his hand.

It is dark. It is dark. Cars on the road. I wish that I had gone swimming in the reservoir today or just playing out on the hills instead of the silly bitty jobs that I got done.

Art has been on hold. These last two weeks I have fallen out with my lover Art. Sometimes you need to have a wrestle with your lover. It makes you realise how much you love.

I will not part with my room of my own. I will hold it close and cherish it for as long as I can. I will make it work for me. I have no choice but too.

Cant write anymore, too tired, been awake since 5am and up since 6am.

 

 

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