Midsummer. I thought that I would be walking the hills. I thought that it would be blazing sunshine. I thought that it would be more.

I smell of smoke from the fire, from toasting marshmallows.

I am in the house on my own. Syd at his dads, Patrick on the way back home with Naoise from a day out with his brother and sister.

I thought that I would have more than ten minutes in the house on my own, but I don’t. I only have this time.

It is midsummer. The sun came up at 4.45am. Its the longest day.

The day began dismally. I feel ok now. What will I do this week ? Sort, tidy, look, maybe make some artwork. Throw out. Need to sort and throw out. Minimise on stuff, maximise on space.

Look. I will look. I will look at the foxgloves and find a swift or a swallow. I will listen to the birds early in the morning walking on the roof. I will wake and take Naoise to school.

Still not enough energy to run. Frustrating not to have energy.

I made a lemon drizzle cake. It was good. I tasted nettle soup.

I hope that Syd will go to school each day this week. I hope that he will be happy.

I hope that I will get to see the Louise Bourgeois at the Artsmill Gallery space.

My right eye hurts. Need the glasses. Need to be able to see. Perhaps it hurts because it is a sty in my eye.

Naoise will be tired. I am tired and I have no energy to think about reading to him or settling him down to sleep.

All I want to do is sit on my own and watch TV. A TV programme of my choice. The house seems big and expansive when it is just me in it.

Beep beep beep beep the oven buzzer sounds.



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