Brothers

10.28am

The dog next door is barking. Woof woof. The main road busy with traffic. Naoise getting out of the shower, his dad is looking after him. Woof Woof.

Its sunny but breezy not really the barbecue weather I had hoped for. The clouds are big white fluffy shifting clouds. Clouds that you could imagine pictures forming in.

Syd woke up late, he was saddened that we only had half an hour together before departing to his dad’s for the weekend. I made it a good half hour and it seemed to me to last a long time. I could see that he was in two minds about going away, I don’t think he really wanted to go.

I made him breakfast, tea, cereal, toast with the french biscuit spread.

The house is a disaster the allotment is wild. Each calls for attention, to be managed, to be nurtured. They don’t speak, they don’t interrupt as a child does, but they do demand attention. An illusion of control and order is a requirement of each place. Inside. Outside. Domesticated.

Sleep was hard with two children in my bed. Syd and Naoise cuddled up close. Syd is big now and in the early hours I was awakened to squeals of squashing by Naoise. Sys’s body is heavy his legs cuddle and crush.

I took an image of the children at 5am. They looked so beautiful cuddled up in each others warmth. I was careful to crop out Syd’s face from the image, he does not want to be represented here. I hope he does not think I have been disloyal by publishing an image of his hands.

Need to think about how to involve the family more, for them to feel comfortable and apart of this project, to move from my journey to our journey. A friend yesterday remarked that ” my marriage was all over Facebook”, this made me feel uncomfortable, I felt defensive, I am not married…..I try to be honest and protect. I doubt the conflicts and resolutions and difficulties and challenges that go on in my home are any different to those that go on in any other house. Relationships/living with another, caring for children, its all work, hard work. Juggling balls, picking up pieces when they fall, glueing and mending broken plates, soaking soiled pants, washing dishes and floors.

Mum is back in Scotland. The sun was shining when she arrived. The mice hadn’t decimated the kitchen and the sheep hadn’t broken into the garden. She sounded happy. She loves the wild north. Today she hopes to walk along the sand. To dream. This is her retreat. Her wild home.

Beep Beep Beep Beep…..beep beep beep beep…….

Patrick wants to discuss the plans for the day. The day must begin.

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