Back in cradle valley
Back in cradle valley. Got home late after journeying back from the Motherhood and Creative Practices conference. Got in drank wine. My head was full of information and inspiration and hopeful encounters from this amazing supportive event. I needed a glass of wine to settle my head.
I went upstairs to the attic and checked on Syd, stroked his head and pulled the duvet up over his body.
I got in bed with Naoise. He had pyjama bottoms on but no top. I stroked his back, his skin is so soft. I clasp his hand in mine. I fall asleep, its good to be back home in my own bed. Back home with the children.
I woke at first light, slipped back to sleep then was woken again at 5.30am, Naoise had had an accident and needed a shower. Naoise was so pleased that I was home and wanted to chat ….it was far to early in the morning. He was telling me about an iPod game that involved feeding baby dragons. His conversation woke up the whole sleeping household with shouts of disdain and do be quiets.
We wake again just before 7am, Patrick brings me coffee in bed. Thick as tar. I sip and wake. Naoise does not want to get up. He does not want to get dressed. ” I don’t want to got to school today mum, I want to stay at home with you”
Patience so much patience is required. I ignore, seems to be the only thing that ever works. I lie and pretend I have a meeting today so I will be working from the studio. I have no meeting, I am at home, trying to rest and organise some teaching work.
Naoise asks for more cuddles. I agree to his request as long as he promises to me that he will get dressed after one last snuggle. He lifts the sheet over my head and creates a tent for us to hide under. I get hime dressed. We eat breakfast. We eat honey loops together. We try to eat honey loops with chop sticks, which is a lot of fun but very time consuming. It is Naoise who suggests we stop and just use our spoons.
Naoise had wanted to go to school on his scooter but unfortunately his dad has gone to work with the car keys in his pocket and the scooter is locked into the boot of the car.
Instead I grab some bread to feed the geese….anything fun to get him out the door and happily to school.
We leave the house……Naoise asks for a ride on my shoulders, I ask him if he could film us walking together, he agrees, he seems pleased to be in control of the camera. I am trying to let go, trying to give him joint ownership of this project. I want him to be my collaborator. I want this to be fun. I want this to be about our journey not my journey. I need it to be about our journey together. I want him to hold my hand. Mothering is not all difficult, walking to school is one of my favourite things.
We get to school. The teaching assistants have become sentry guards. They don’t want me to come into the school with Naoise, one teaching assistant places her body between me and Naoise at the door. She is trying to stop me coming into the school with my son. I explain that I haven’t seen my child for four days, ignore her and go on inside regardless. I have to be very strong and assertive to make my needs and my sons known. I hate the institution of education today……I hate that they are trying to make my child “grow up” too soon. When he is ready he will go happily in alone. There is no need to speed up a separation, there is not. He will grow to be independent in his own sweet time.
I ran in the fields. The grass has shot up. Thick. Green. The lambs are fattening. The fox glove flowers are almost out. I run past the cherry blossom tree almost all the petals have dropped to the pavement below and the leaves are rotting to brown.
beep beep beep beep the oven buzzer calls that time is up…….beep beep beep beep