Don’t avert your eyes
Spent the day packing for camping trip. Washing clothes. Drying clothes on the radiator, on the line in the yard. Sorting wet piles of clothes into each member of the families. Selected which need to be dried first. A hierarchy of wet clothes to be dried. Patrick and Syd’s underwear are becoming indistinguishable. Sock size, pant size, same size. Laundry puzzles. Involves some detective work.
Naoise reminded me that it was non-uniform day.
A pound for the poor. A pound for the poor mummy. We need to give charity mummy for the people who live near the big mountain, whose homes have been destroyed in the Earthquake.
I have lost track of the awfulness of the disaster. I don’t watch TV. What media, what news I let in is entirely at my choosing. No TV filters out the outside world. I read the newspaper, listen to the radio. No TV. No Media footage provides a barrier, perhaps a bubble. Many days I just want to live in a bubble. A womb bubble. Where horrid happenings can not penetrate me, my skin or my space. My home is my body. Other things can’t get in. Other things can’t cause upset. TURN AWAY DONT LOOK IS THAT HOW IT SHOULD BE ? AND IF I OPEN MY EYES WHAT DO I SEE, WHAT CAN I DO, HOW CAN I CHANGE THIS ? I AM COWARDLY. I AM INEFFECTUAL. I AM SELF OBSESSED. I NEED TO LOOK OUT. I NEED TO LOOK IN< IN ORDER TO BE ABLE TO LOOK OUT>
What a privilege to be able to switch danger on and off. What a privilege to be safe and secure. What a privilege to have peace, to have health, to have a home, to have my sons safe with me. To choose whether to engage or not too. Perhaps I live in a bubble. The bubble is good and the bubble is bad.
The picture of the baby being rescued from the rubble of the Nepal Earthquake after being buried under the collapsed building for 22 hours. Twenty Two hours. Four Months old. Alive. Saved. Born once from womb. Born once from rubble. Alive. Crying. Saved. Alive. Baby= Hope. Baby= New Life.
Mo M-other>Hood. A cloak,a shroud, a covering a tent, a place that is other. A collective of others. A gathering of others. What is the M in mother. What is the hood. How did M-other- meet Hood ?
The first goslings have arrived. Six yellow fluffy gorgeous things. In only fourteen weeks time they will be fully grown. You can literally see them growing by the day. Yellow. Fluffy. Wondrous.
Birth Workshop- Third Stage of Birth (to research)
Where is my placenta ? My placenta became waste. My placenta was burnt. How could I have let my placenta become waste. Why didn’t I look at my placenta ? An opportunity lost. I think that Naoise placenta was torn and worn out. I should have had a look. I should have been brave. I do have regrets. I can learn. I need to look, I should not be scared of me and my body. I should take a closer look. See what I can see.