Spent a night and a day with a dear friend who has two delightful children of seven months and two years in age. Staying with her reminded me of how much work is involved looking after little ones, I had forgotten. Maternal Amnesia. Why do we forget? Why have I forgotten this intensive stage of mothering, wiped it out? Is this what Bracha Ettinger means….is this the trauma…The trauma of knowing has now become unknown? Need to read more Ettinger at least try to get to grips with the theory.
…..changing nappies not one but two, dressing, hugging, breast feeding, spoon, feeding, face wiping, floor picking up-ING, laughing, saying no no no and play with me, don’t throw, giggle, read a book, roll over, make food, drinks, reading, sleeping, pushing a prwn one of top the other under, smiles and talking, reassuring, making, pretend cardboard box car riding, daisy chains, rain falling, grey clouds, stopping, cup of tea, cup of tea, snuggles and love, skin soft, plastic fantastic beeping…..
London Overground, Clapham Junction…….
We met at the pub. We drank, we talked, we caught up with each others life, love, work, children……so nice to be out with just her on my own….my friends first night out since her baby was born….a joy that I could share this special time with her…..
There are phone conversations home….a drama…Syd rearranging rearrangements, stressful to deal with when so far away. Pushing pushing out with his independence, having fun, the teenage parties have begun…..trepidation…in the end it all was ok he came home safe in the car with my friend….
On the train a male couple talking knees brushing together…tight.denim jeans..slowly moving along the train tracks…the men are well spoken, almost whispering…
Grey clouds…perhaps my silk top wardrobe for the sunny south was too hopeful…
Man opens box of mints…..
On way to see another dear friend, her children are older a boy and a girl…..they are making art to pass the time…..
Past Battersea Power Station…the South Bank ahead in the distance…Wandsworth Road….
Another couple male female laughing man wearing large black baseball hat with white writing …
Graffiti Bracken Buddlia Trees chasing the edge of the lines…
Next station Denmark Hill must get off and change.
..panic which platform…four just made change
Train….pram…next to suitcase…baby gurgling…
AHHHHHHH says the baby
I speak to.Naoise…he.has fallen on his scooter and scrapped his nose and knee….he sounds so little on the phone..a sweet squeaky high pitched voice…