6.51 awake since 6am (awake in night at unknown time)
Haven’t really got time to write this. Monday and the kids are going back to school after the Easter break. I am sadly received that they are returning. I am relieved because I am craving the headspace of work. School is not perfect but at least it provides an opportunity for work and rest a life besides that of child care .
Patrick starts his new job in Manchester. Life is going to be different. Days of childcare longer. Time alone with the children. I shall be queen of the home once more. I am not pleased. I feel angry. I have little say in anything or control in my life anymore. Since I don’t earn any money, I have little say. It will be harder but I am tough. I must try and find some local work so I can carve out a slice of independence for myself, redress some of the balance. Its all work, paid or unpaid. Its all work.
The day looks as if it will be clear and bright. No rain. No grey.
Yesterday I went to see the Leonora Carrington exhibition at the Tate in Liverpool. I will write about this later when I have some space. I am sluggish and my head is fuzzy, all my fault as I spent the evening drowning my sorrows in red wine fury.
The egg is the macrocosm and the microcosm, the dividing line between the big and the small which makes it impossible to see the whole. To posses a telescope without its other essential half-the microscope-seems to me a symbol of the darkest incomprehension. The task of the right eye is to peer into the telescope, while the left eye peers into the microscope.
The owls are hooting. I am in the studio. Its late 21.24 on the laptop. Been sorting and tidying my space so that I can work and to prepare for a meeting I have tomorrow. Its lovely to be hear. So peaceful and lovely surrounded by my books and art and inspiration. The owl hoots again. Its the Tawny Owl.
Leonora’s work is full of fantastic imagery including owls, witches , whales, ghosts, creatures of the unconscious, the world above, the world below, masks, pigs, flies the phases of the moon and women’s bodies and eggs and a giantess.
The Weeping Mask made of paper and The Giantess painting were among my favourite exhibits. I loved it all though, great to see imagery, figuration, the uncanny and narrative. To see this on my own, to give it my undivided attention. Its been so so long since I dived into art just for me. Looking fills me with happiness.