Here and There

7.02 am (up since 6am, awake in night for water)

Slept with the attic window open, cuddling Naoise.

Should have written this yesterday. Yesterday was Sunday. Everything slipped. So today I will cheat and attempt two posts in one day. One in the morning one at night. One for today one for yesterday.

It is the most perfect spring morning, mist lifting up through the valley and the yellow glow of the early sun sits behind the hill line. Head heavy with red wine intoxication. Why do I do it. I know its no good for me. It doesn’t take away life ills, just deadens time, makes me inefficient. I can feel the brain squeeze and it will be harder to move and think today.

Mum and Dad are away in Scotland. I receive a few text messages from them. They like to be far away. It is the peace and quiet that Mum craves, she is always surprised by it. She tells me in a message that the quiet is only disturbed first by the call of the curlew and now the geese. She has also found a nest and describes it to me. By standing by the veg patch you can see it is carefully lined with sheep’s wool. No idea what bird. I suggest that it may be the nest of a curlew. She is concerned that they may have disturbed the bird with their arrival. Dad tells me that he has just rescued an Emperor Moth whilst turning on the water supply. They have always loved nature. I am pleased that they find themselves in tranquility and find such fascination in small things. I have them to thank for my love of nature, definitely a joy passed on.

I haven’t much time I can hear Patrick and Syd getting up, and if there first interactions with me are a partner, mother staring at a screen they will not be best pleased.

The washing machine is on and I have hung out white pants and white vests and white school shirts to dry on the line.

Syd had an accident riding his bike on the road. His wheel caught the curb and he fell off. He told me that he rolled into a ball. He scared himself. I am glad that it did not see him fall. I would have been filled with horror. Patrick was just behind him, and helped him up. The bike was damaged but nothing that cannot be fixed. I ran a bath for Syd and placed him in it, listened to what had happened to him. He seemed to have come out of things unscathed. I was expected to find bruises and cuts.

Syd calls me in the attic to go and see him, he is feeling unwell. Shock, exhaustion, pain, a headache. Blimey he seemed so ok last night. I try to coax him out of bed. He is being stubborn and belligerent. I will try again with cups of tea and paracetamol to raise him. I hadn’t planned a day at home looking after a poorly child. I had needed a day in the studio to prepare some work.

Need to bring this to a close its all too complicated trying to write this now.

Me and Naoise spent some time working on the allotment. Planting herbs. Mowing the grass. We had a battle with bamboo sticks, he won every time. thebrokenbranchintreeinthetreebranchfixing

Naoise climbed in the tree, and found the branch that had broken when he had fallen from it. He lifted the branch up and positioned it in the place that it had snapped off. He is agile and climbs higher, but needs my help to get down.

I have a long day ahead of me. Patrick won’t be coming home at 6.45pm tonight he is going out. My shifts at home are endless. I feel time creep heavy on my heart. Life has become even more challenging than before. I am trapped by domesticity and maternal responsibility. Walking the hills provides the illusion of freedom.

I cannot eat breakfast and do small talk. I cannot.

 

 

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