Dusk walk

22.37 (awake at 4am, 5am and 6am up at 7am)

Woken in the night first by requests for water from Syd, then his alarm clock twice. Didn’t feel rested at all when finally it really was time to get up.

Its dark now and  I am sitting up in bed writing this, Naoise lying asleep beside me. I can hear the river flowing and a train passing on the track. Its another clear star bright night. I went for a walk. I had to get out. I have a desire to head for the hills. If I haven’t managed it then it needs to get done, its part of the routine.

I saw bats, a sliver moon. I heard the owl screech and the cow baying. I saw lambs fresh from their mothers womb. I saw blood stained wool and placenta. I heard the curlew and the dog bark. I saw fox gloves growing in-between the dry gaps of the stone wall. I saw buds clenched tight and acid green fresh leaves. I heard the sound of lambs bleating and ewes ba ba ba ing. I saw the red of the sun fall away to the night. I saw static windmills. I saw a rabbit jumping out from rocks. I heard a security light switch to on. I imagined that I heard the scurry of badgers. I hoped to see weasel or fox, little owl or hawk. I saw clouds of midges and ewes with their lambs settling down in grassy hollows to sleep.


Naoise is much calmer he is going happily to school. He has started to get himself dressed. He was pleased to be wearing his new shoes. We drove to school as I was working today.

I worked in the studio. I worked on the allotment. I heard the bees happy in pink nectar. It was hot and sunny and everyone was pleased. Still no sign of the swallows.

Syd asked me to collect him from school. I dropped him back at home and then collected Naoise.



Naoise played a short while in the willow scrub.

I tidied and washed and brushed up the kitchen. I put pots and pans and knives and forks away. I hung out clothes.

Syd looked after Naoise so that I could fetch some food from the shops.

Syd and me made goats cheese and caramelised onion tarts together.

Syd was tired, giddy, disruptive and mean, but loving and apologetic. He needs to work on kindness. He is often cruel to his brother and has to be instructed not to be. It is tiresome. It is dull. I wish it was not like this but then I remember that me and my brother and sisters fought like cat and dog too. I forgive his erratic mood. He seemed anxious about a thing. Not sure what the thing may be. Hormones at a guess. Life is not fair when you are a teenager. Its just not fair. 

He fell gently to sleep watching  football.

I feel like falling gentle to sleep too.



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