1pm ( awake at 6.15 up at 7am)
Twenty packs of yellow butter; is equivalent to the weight that I have lost in the past two months. I would ideally like to get rid of 28 more packs of fat. I bought some cheap trainers and running clothes to celebrate my intermediate success in getting fitter, and now I am sipping miso soup in the studio whilst dreaming of chocolate cake!
I feel so proud of both my sons this week; they are both making good progress at school, but most importantly they seem happy. There are scores and grades and levels and hopes of improvement, but I am just content with the fact that my children seem to be loved by others, of cause I want them to do well, of cause I have aspirations for them, but love comes first. It should always come first.
At breakfast time a stranger knocked on our door. When I opened the door, I was taken aback. A man, a man and his begging bowl and him mumbling requests for food, at least I think that is what he was asking for. My first reaction was to rather rudely close the door in his face. Patrick asked who was at the door, a man asking for food…I think, I replied. Patrick walked down the street to see if it was food that he wanted. He mumbled to Patrick in the same way he had to me. I took two bananas and a packet of oat cakes from the kitchen, and we gave them to him.
I walk to school, Naoise is scootering, I am still aghast that this poor desperate man has been reduced to knocking on doors and begging for food. What sort of a society do with live in where men are forced to beg for food? I do hope we get rid of this nasty government in the next election. Ordinary people waged or unwaged need at least to be able to cloth, feed and shelter themselves. Our food offering felt so feeble and sad.
Its world book day, well to be precise the day after world book day. Naoise was going to go to school dressed as the alligator from Alberto the Alligator, but he changed his mind and went as a normal child without a costume. He wanted to be a child from Toni Ungeras The Beast of Monsieur Raccine, he took the book in, but he really did not want to dress up. Thats ok, its ok to opt out. He also took in the Eiffel Tower keyring that Syd had bought back for him from Paris, I am so glad he remembered gift for his little brother.
The yellow spring sun is shinning.
Daffodil heads are opening.
The birds are more vocal, active, visible.
I look forward to the return of the swallow that is the true sign of spring arriving.
Life is beginning to feel more hopeful. My conference paper has been excepted for the Motherhood and Creative Practice conference at London South Bank University in June. I am thrilled and excited and just so pleased and happy. Its good when hard work pays off, this is not always the case. My friends helped me, they read through what I had written suggested changes and edits and I am grateful to them. I am so lucky to have the support of such wonderful, clever, creative artist friends.
I am alone in the studio. It is good to be alone with ones thoughts.
I am thinking of songs, songs of celebration, strong songs. It has to be PJ Harvey Man-Sized I so love that song so much, I even named a drawing after it. I’ll post a link to her singing that here then I will listen and just give myself a little rest. Its good just to breath sometimes, breath in the spring and the hope. Rejoice in a small success.