Something then nothing Monday

9.25 pm ( been up since 6.30am)

Its been a busy something then nothing of a Monday.

What began as dull and rain became sun and bright and blossom.

Got up, drank water, took vitamins, put on washing machine, did washing up, boiled kettle, drank coffee, ate porridge, got Naoise dressed, dropped Syd at school, came home, folded up clothes on bed, sorted out into piles for each, got Naoise ready for school, coat on, shoes on, scooter to school, walk straight past teaching assistant security guard, talk to C, laugh, cross road, bid lollypop man a good day,jog home, pack car, drive to Krishna’s house, park in new build  close with no pavements for walking only places for cars, drink strong coffee and talk about films, and politics and philosophy and the lyrics of Deacon Blue and making art, Krishna helps me to make a film about breastfeeding, laugh when I discover that page 2 of the script is missing, find a copy via my email, read out script from a tablet,  so grateful to Krishna’s kindness and knowledge, I needed some help, drink more coffee, talk about film, Margaret Thatcher, food banks, think about whether I should volunteer for the food bank, drive Krishna to the bus station, wave goodbye to him, go to the dump to do recycling, drive with filthy hands to the studio, help my friend, do some admin work, talk to studio friends, drink coffee, drive to collect Naoise from school, walk to school to collect Naoise, talk to parent friends whilst waiting for Naoise to come out of the door, stand in upper playground whilst Naoise plays with friend, tell Naoise not to swing his scooter around in the air as he could hit someone and hurt them, walk home, carry Naoise a little, get home, boil rice open tin of tuna, heat up curry, dish out tea, eat food, play a game of pass the red balloon, drop Naoise at his friends, meet Patrick and Syd at his school, meeting with deputy head about options Syd would like to take, teacher refers to me as ‘wife’, I hate it and tell her that I am not a wife, find meeting very unproductive, drop Patrick, Syd and his friend back home, go and collect Naoise from  his friends house, notice the birds singing, the drummers drumming in the church,  drive to Lidls do the shopping, drive home as need to borrow some money from Patrick as cannot afford to buy shopping, drive back to Lidls to buy shopping again, drive home, drink Whiskey, day started off well and ended badly, sat watching  Naoise paint, talk about the film we watched together The girl with the pearl earring, talk about how Vermeer made and mixed his oil paint, Naoise paints a picture of him and his dad standing on yellow, sent Syd to bed, Syd in bed tired and in pyjamas, Naoise says he is not tired even though its late, Patrick puts Naoise to bed whilst I write this.

Had meant to take a photograph, but I haven’t. Had wanted to make film of me washing kitchen floor with hair dipped in milk but I haven’t. Had wanted to draw today, but I haven’t. Talked to Krishna about this project and how it feels as if it is falling apart. Almost three months in now. Not sure why I am writing this. Not sure, having doubts. Ate a chocolate bun. It tasted good. Get weighed tomorrow, probably no weight loss even though I have been doing tons of exercise, I have been drinking too much  red wine and sticky toffee pudding with cream! Maybe I have gained some muscle at least. Bum feels sore from cycling yesterday. Cannot keep up with Syd he cycles so fast.

Why am I writing this when I could be kissing the children goodnight, wishing them love and sweet passage in their dreams. Why? IS IT POSSIBLE TO MAKE ART AND RAISE CHILDREN ? ARE THE TWO COMPATIBLE?

Annoyed. Annoyed. Annoyed. Can’t say why. Nothing to do with home life. Had enough of people trying to put a stop to me being creative.

Naoise running down stairs, asking if he can eat marshmallows, I say NO. He is telling me he is going to eat marshmallows and he will not brush his teeth again. Then your teeth will rot. What What. No rot rot.

Enough I need to get Naoise to bed its nearly 10pm.

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