Monday is a blur
Woke up late around 7.10, no time to write in Morning, Afternoon or Evening Time.
I am cheating as I have published this today Wednesday morning- its the first time over the duration of this project that I didn’t manage to write a post and publish it on the same day. I am feeling run down, I have a chest cough. These are just excuses though. Quite feeble. If this was a new born baby, I wouldn’t have been able to neglect it for a whole day, I would have had to feed it,dress it, cuddle it, wash it, change its nappy. You can fail to take care of words but you cannot fail to take care of a child.
Naoise was being difficult refusing to go to school, he claimed he was still unwell.
Naoise was being difficult after school, not listening to what I said, being nasty to friends, running away.
I escaped in the early evening to print out some flyers in the library. Some days I hate being a mum and I feel that I hate my children. Of cause I don’t really, hate is very close to love, isn’t it? When things get difficult, when children are stubborn and unruly and just don’t want to comply or co-operate, when I am over tired, run ragged, it drives me mad, quite literally.
Printing out sheets of paper is really very easy and therapeutic. I take my time in the library.
I take my time in the supermarket. I bump into a friend, she calls to me across the vegetables, I meet her new born baby, she is beautiful, blue eyed alert, open face. I stare and stare at her sitting in the carrier on top of the trolly. She is the most interesting thing. My friend asks me to remind her how many children I have, two I reply, she has four. I talk about family’s of four, how I am from a family of four children, how brilliant I think big families are. I am growing more content with my two, but I probably will always wish for more.