6.25am (awake at 5.30 am)



I am helping Naoise into the forth school jumper. They are all red, they all look the same to me. Maybe they are a little different, some are a little larger than others, some carry the school emblem, some not, some were Sydneys, some are from school sales, none are new. Each jumper for Naoise causes a different set of uncomfortable difficulties. Patrick is still at home. I momentarily give up and go for a wee break. I tell Patrick that he is doing my head in. He has already taken dad through this ritual and Patrick is not getting involved, though he does offer some sympathetic words. Naoise is so so stubborn. I am guessing the jumpers are nothing to do with the actual issue they are just a manifestation of some anxiety, some worry. He was up in the night, so perhaps this is just exhaustion.

I try again. This is taking my mother patience to the limit. What about a fleecy, nice and comfortable. No, No, No, NO.

Patrick is loitering, getting impatient, getting later and later for work, he had wanted to walk down the road with us to school, well probably more for Naoise than me. I tell him to go. He just makes me feel more stressed, when the children are difficult, rather than sharing the challenge, I find it much much easier, just to deal with it myself.

Things get worse, I bribe him with a chocolate roll, unfortunately Sydney has eaten the last one. Ahhhhhh

Now Naoise is holding on tight to the stool in the kitchen and saying to me  I am not going to school today, I am staying at home. I am not going. I am not going to go. 

I try sympathising, I try being stern, I try asking him what is wrong, I try bribery again

I just want to stay at home with you he pleads.


Somehow I get him into the front room, I cannot remember how, but he just repeats the same behaviour as acted out in the kitchen. I am at my wits end, and call on the fairy god mother of all knowledge Facebook for help. The first two answers back were my initial thoughts.

Take the chair with you!!!!!

Stay at home!

Though I am not sure we would have got far carrying the chair and staying at home was not an option, I need to work and rest. Keep sane. The next response touched my heart strings, so funny and what a clever boy. His mum is pretty darn cool, I can see why he would want to stay home with her

Lego play all morning at school? This is how my school tackled my sons refusal, though he did write ‘I want my mum’ in lego bricks first time. 

We did get to school in the end. Patrick spoke to him on speaker phone and promised him ten mini samosas, he got distracted, I swept him up in my arms and ran out the door. Job done. We were in reality only fifteen minutes late for school. The teacher was kind, calm and understanding.


Need to think of the above words. I love each of them. I love that my son said NO. That he can say NO. Its important to say NO. It was hard to parent, but I am glad that he is determined and stubborn and clever. He can stand his ground. I need to be more dissenting. I need to be more like him.

Why do I stand for one minute in the same place each day filming myself ? 

Today I stood for what I thought was one minute, and I closed my eyes. It was a much better experience. I wasn’t watching the time go by. I was breathing, counting in my head, this was closer to the meditative experience that I had wanted to experience and to evoke. It is good to break rules, it is good to dissent.

The shadows are long, the sky is all blue, the mud is still frozen, all is clear and calm and peaceful, the birds are singing and singing and chattering and chattering.



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