Wednesday

9.15 am

lookingscaredondadsbike

It is nipple freezing weather, Syd still home unwell, movements on the stairs he has awoken. The snow has arrived, a thin dusting, nothing too dramatic. Some fell on the way to school. Small white balls collected on the hood of Naoise coat.

rocketinplayground

Its later, buzzer on for 30 minutes, my friend J is visiting today, we will drink healthy apple carrot and ginger juice together, discuss sugar free diets and catch up on life. The road is quieter when it snows, although only a titchy bit, the slow of the cars is a welcome treat. Its noisy living by the main road, in the trough of the valley.

Syd is awake, he is excited to see the snow, I tell him I have to write for 30 minutes, that I am going to ignore him for a while, can he help himself to paracetomal and water. Slightly neglectful, but the words cheer me, they make me feel I have accomplished a task, one creative task, one action.

snowonwall

The flow of blood is negligable, its a relief after the gushing of red yesterday.

Walking the Pexwood Road I was unable to film the black pegs due to a car obstruction. <Sydney distracts me taking his ventaline using his spacer, he sounds like he is blowing a trumpet, and it even makes a sound>

“Its snowing” Syd says.

Yes its snowing. I look forward to walking on the tops later, the sky is blue and clear, maybe there will be more snow, maybe not. It falls slowly and gradually. There can be several different weather fronts in one day here. Yesterday began with bright yellow sun, then grey and dismal in the middle, bright yellow sun in the afternoon, followed by freezing cold and hail stones when I went to collect Naosie.

A little wren bobbed up to say hello to me on the wall that lines the pack horse track, he did a little dance then flew away. I enjoy these brief encounters with wildlife. The snow is getting heavier, the flakes are getting bigger and the blue of the sky has turned back to grey.

Naoise has taken to playing kick a stone football when I collect him. He played kick a stone football till we were the last to leave, the hail forced him home. I was glad it was freezing.

I’ve lost one pound in weight, it seems very little for all my efforts, but at least it is encouraging that there is some loss. I am back to what I weighed shortly before Christmas. Perhaps there is some weight gain during my period. The weight of water retention. I can feel the lining of my womb shedding and peeling away. The gushing is shocking, its especially bad when I walk. Walking to school it gushed, I felt a little faint, it stopped my steps. I sent an image of a used sanitary towel to Patrick, not very romantic, but I wanted to share with him what I was experiencing. I was unsure whether to share this image here, but then I wanted to be brave and honest. I did an image search for used sanitary towel images, couldn’t find any.

sanitarytowelusedJPG

Some things are hidden, some things are intimate. This woman’s body is a hinderance as much as it is a pleasure. These periods don’t seem normal at all, I am blighted by fibroids. My womb is old and is deteriorating, it is closing in, misbehaving, crotchety, difficult, stubborn, awkward, worn out.

kickingastonefeet

When it hails Naoise sits on the ground in the playground and just watches, watches the hail fall onto his body. He enjoys all the tiny white balls, but it is cold and he agrees to return home.

hailonnaoise

I enjoy dropping off Naoise in the morning, mostly we are late, like today, rarely we are early like yesterday. Waiting Naoise danced around and around me, circling me, I am his territory, he is my honey bee.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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