Loosing it

6.45 am

More snow, and twenty minutes set on the oven timer to wake my conscience and rub my eyes and sip newly poured tea. I have slept forever, it was necessary. My throat is sore, Syd is still at home unwell and my head is spinning with words about the matrixial that I cannot comprehend. So I cheat, I avoid Griselda Pollock and Bracha Ettinger and I read the papers that I can follow, Rosemary Betterton, Andrea Liss and  Paula McCloskey.

I am loosing it. I am loosing weight and I am loosing the track of thought and the continuity of my research. I need to grab back hold of it real quick, can I submit something in 48 hours. Is this enough to complete this PhD application. Its all I have. Perhaps it is good that its totally stressful, may help me loose more weight !

My head is a blank. Sip the tea. Because there are no words that are rising.

The oven buzzer sounds.